r H Y nolite

now, as I lay in bed after what has been nothing more than a totally wasted sunday again, I wonder what the hell am I doing with my time now.

just a couple of years ago, I thought I found it. the thing that I was going to do with the rest of my life. industrial design. it was so exciting. it was so promising.

but look at me now. at the final lap of my academic life, facing what can only be described as a huge fucking piece of jadedness. what the hell is going on?

I really do not know what is going on. why do I feel so fucking tired about design now at a time when i'm supposed to be dashing for the finish line?

asus, tupperware, thesis, of which i've condemned myself to building a car in 8 months. what the FUCK.

fuck tupperware, fuck asus, and fuck teamwork projects man. the projects are going in the wrong directions and why can't nobody else see it? or am I really the blind one?

fuck.fuck.fuck.

its often at times of self doubt like these that I fall into these states of depression.

watched an episode of '7 deadly sins' recently and they were taking about the sin of sloth. meaning laziness if you're ris low (btw. you're a slut. get out of my face.). they were saying that sloth and procrastination are the result of two possible causes. one, having too much to do that you do not even start to do them, and two, not knowing what to do that you do not.. well, do not know where to begin.

that kind of sums it up for me eh? i'm all of both right now, so I oughta just kill myself right now. there's so much to do, and I don't want to know where to start.

its just damned crazy man. what the hell is this all about man. is it because I have already decided not to do design after i'm done with school? it shouldn't be it because frankly it seems everybody in the class feels the same way too. fuck man.

and why am I complaining about it? I don't know, maybe its just a way for me to put something out into the world so I don't go absolutely bonkers.

FUCK.